Thoughts on Submission

I was asked recently "What does submission mean to you?" A very good question

Submission is so much more than the 'games' we play (and don't go all indignant at me because I call it games!)

There are those who allow their body to be bound, whipped, used, humiliated, etc., but have not even taken the first real step in submission. They may never take that step, no matter how many 'scenes' they are part of, or what submissive sounding words come out of their mouths.

Submission truly has nothing to do with whips and cuffs and crawling about on the floor.

Submission, when it is real, is a change of heart. Changing from "I" want to focusing on what another wants. There is still an "i". There must be because a submissive heart is not a robot heart that simply follows instructions. The true submissive heart is well aware that they exist as a separate entity from their Dom(me). However, they are also aware that they may not only be lower casing the "i" in written conversation, but that they will also be lower casing it in their thinking.

It is not a simply a giving up of your will to anyone for no reason. When you simply give up your will, you become a rag doll. Quite possibly there are Dom(me)s out there that wish to own a rag doll, but rag dolls tend to be a bit flip-floppy and not very stimulating.

Submission is in its deepest form a purposeful gift of your will to a dominant or to those you choose to give it to. As a submissive, it is YOUR choice who you will give it to.

I love the sissy boys who submit to a strong woman, fully knowing their own will. Knowing, for example, that they want and need to be girly, but then gifting that will, that want, that need, to a strong woman (or man) who will then form them and guide them in the fulfillment of that desire.

I love the submissive who is his/her own person, who would gift the Dom(me) with that strength of character for their enjoyment or use. I firmly believe that if a submissive is not a strong person, this role in life will eat them up, and I personally do not have a taste for cannibalism.

As to the 'games' we play. The act of submitting to another physically can be a catalyst to, or a sign of submission, but it is not submission in and of itself.

Submission is an act of will, not only an act of body.

Submission requires respect for oneself as well as for one's Dom(me). I insist on it in any that wish to serve, or who come to me to talk of their submissive desires.

I find it maddening that online, those who feel submissive will allow themselves to be abused (and many times it is abuse) by Dom(me)s to prove how submissive they are. I hold the Dom(me)s equally accountable in these situations. That's not submission. It may be a touch of masochism, but does not necessarily mean you are submissive in the least. Masochism and submission are not the same thing.

When you manipulate a relationship to get what you want out of it, that is not submissive either. That is topping from the bottom and as far from true submission as it gets.

"Mistress, please humiliate me!" I receive emails, etc., like that from people I've never met. Well, hello and excuse me! I am the Dominant, and I will humiliate you if "I" wish to, not because you ask me to...duhhh!

I will chose what to do with you, not you (if you really ARE submissive). That is my 'role' as Dominant. If I wish to allow my sub release daily, that does not make me any less Dominant than if I keep him in chastity for weeks. If he expresses a wish for pain, I may flog him because I know he wants it, or I may not. If I do, it does not make me less Dominant, because he knows, he can always express his needs and wants, but it is my choice to decide if he should have those fulfilled or not. Conversely, if I decide to flog him for no apparent reason, if he is truly submissive, he willingly takes my whip or paddle, even if that was not on his agenda for the evening.

So submission to me can be seen on the surface, but what shows on the surface has to be just the tip of the iceberg if that submission is real.

I welcome your thoughts. I am always happy to discuss my ideas about BDSM practices and theory. Just leave me a comment with an email where you can be reached.