When I first discovered the lifestyle, I met lots of interesting folks. From talking with them, I got the impression that being a sub was the hard part. After all, as a sub, you are the one who serves, who is at the Master/Mistresses beck and call, who suffers, who receives punishment and reward, sometimes on a whim.
I had the impression from the first few folks I talked with that being the Master/Mistress was a piece of cake. It was described to me as sitting back and receiving, you got all the benefit and none of the work and if it wasn't done right, you just straightened the subs sweet little ass out.
Boy was I wrong!
Going deeper into the lifestyle, away from surface values and impressions, I find that it is exactly the reverse. Not that the sub doesn't have it difficult sometimes, they do, especially if they find themselves serving a capricious or temperamental Master/Mistress. A good sub is a very strong person, they have to be and they deserve respect (even when you are humiliating them) However, in many ways the subs position can be the easier.
IMHO, it is sometimes easier to give up control to another, than to be the one in control.
A good Master or Mistress is always thinking, always devising clever games, always watching and gauging, always weighing words and actions according to the needs of their subs. That is not to say that they are fake, but that they need to be aware and responsible for every word and action.
Too much damage can be done to a sub if a Master/Mistress is not aware at all times of where their sub is at, emotionally, mentally and physically. The responsibility, if one is to really take being Dom(me) seriously and not just as a game, is truly awesome. 'Hurt' is not only part of it, but it is pretty much expected and desired. 'Harm' is a totally different issue.
That someone (your sub) would give you that kind of trust, demands that you take it seriously, demands that you spend a good portion of your waking moments caring for that sub. The amount of time varies of course on whether your sub is part time or 24/7, however, planning and consideration of all factors surrounding your sub and your relationship and time together is essential.
As a Domme with a very loved and valued submissive husband -- and other submissives upon occasion, all of whom I care for very much or they would not be my submissives,-- this responsibility is not a burden, but a joy to me. But I never forget who I am, who they are and that I do have a serious responsibility to them. Accepting any submissive without accepting this responsibility, to me is dangerous, and cruel. Several I have taken on under protection or consideration or as submissives, have ultimately moved on for various reasons, but I never started a relationship with out a deep knowledge of the responsibility I bore toward them.
There are all levels of BDSM.. from casual, occasional play between an established couple, to pro-Domme's and the like, to true sadists and masochists.
However, I believe that at some point, if it moves any distance from the occasional bedroom game (and even then there is a responsibility for the duration of the 'game') One must seriously look at the responsibility involved. The dominant should try to gauge if they have the strength and desire to first accept it and to make the commitment to themselves and to their submissive to continue with it until such time as both agree it should stop and not just drop it on a whim later on if they grow tired or bored with it.
I'm not saying that people don't change and that as relationships progress, oftentimes things do not work out. But a Dominant must not take D/s relationships lightly in the beginning and must enter into them with responsible intentions.
We play with real people here. Real emotions, real lives, real minds....and we can either bring healing and joy or do real damage. I think we all need to keep that in mind. I know I do constantly.
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